Calamity: The Three Tales
by LapisIC
Summary: In the cruel, calamitous land of Terraria, smuggler Freeman, goblin king Kelgor, and Jim the Summoner Skeleton each work to gather power for their personal purposes and fight off the monsters of the world and the powerful abominations bought upon it by the Jungle Tyrant, Yharim. The three slowly uncover the Tyrant's atrocities on their journey to the ultimate power.
1. Chapter 1: Goblin Business

**Chapter 1: Goblin Business**

The Goblin Army had been almost completely gunned down by a man in arctic diving gear and light cyan-colored gold armor. The Terrarian man had been in the middle of an explosives deal with a God Slayer-donned soldier before the goblins had arrived to nab the explosives for themselves. The Terrarian quickly and effortlessly decimated the army with his trusty Halibut Cannon. Only two goblins managed to get away from the bloody mess: Kelgor, the goblin swordsman and advisor of Grag, the bigger goblin and the one who planned the invasion.

Kelgor and Grag barely manage to arrive back at Goblin's Cove. "Grag, I told you the plan wouldn't work!" Kelgor weakly, yet urgently shouts. "Dammit, this is the 23rd plan that went to crap because you couldn't stop and think!" As Kelgor stood shaking in panic, Grag simply sat down and thought about how he would tell the other goblins that his plan failed for the 23rd time until he came up with his next idea. "Kelgor! Let's paint some dynamite yellow and tell the others that we nabbed the Auric Dynamite!" Grag yet again believed he came up with a flawless idea, but Kelgor refused to listen. It wasn't until Grag grabbed a bucket of yellow paint and a bundle of dynamite that Kelgor could no longer tolerate the nonsense that was Grag himself.

"You know what, I'm done." Kelgor said silently. Grag looked towards Kelgor with dynamite in both hands and a blank look of confusion. "What I'm about to do has been a long time coming, Grag." The big goblin's confusion had been made more clear in response. "Oh come on, Kelgor, there's no time for a 'long time coming.' Now help me paint th-"

Kelgor drew his Gold Sword and swatted a nearby paint bucket, much to Grag's shock. "I must thank you for making me realize that there's no hope for this army." Kelgor hopelessly stared into Grag's eyes. "Our thieves can barely steal an empty chest, our sorcerers are poorly trained in shadowflame magic, and your plans go to shit every time." This quickly shifted Grag from confusion to silent disbelief as he dropped his dynamite to the floor. "I'm surprised that I still honestly believe there's hope for this pathetic army.. Either way, I'm out of here." Though Grag had a million arguments against Kelgor's realization, he was too silenced by the mere thought of him leaving the army. "Tell the others I said there are no more swordsmen." Kelgor calmly begins walking out of the Cove before Grag reaches for him, causing Kelgor to aggressively slash at Grag, who barely steps back to avoid getting cut.

When he finally leaves, Grag sits in confusion and devastation for a minute before carrying out his fake Auric Dynamite plan. He paints the regular dynamite in complete silence while processing what just happened. Once finished, he heads for the Cove Pub to "inform" the other goblins about the mission. "Everyone! We've nabbed the Auri-"

"The plan failed, didn't it.." a goblin peon said condescendingly. Two other goblin warriors and a thief look at Grag with an unconvinced look.

"It's so obvious you failed again, Grag."

"Where are the others?"

"There's still paint dripping from that dynamite!"

Grag stood in defeat before being faced with another question from the other goblins: "Where's Kelgor?" Grag could only look up at the goblins with a look that implied a loss.

"Kelgor bailed. He's gone."

Meanwhile, Kelgor stood in a wide forest after having cut down trees to make space for his new plan: he would make a kingdom of his own and hopefully begin molding the goblins into the furthest thing from a joke. "Today, we goblins prove our worth to all of Terraria."


	2. Chapter 2: The Smuggler

**Chapter 2: The Smuggler**

In a small, lonely town populated by less than a handful, there lay a high-rank God Slayer soldier whose mere presence strikes fear into the hearts of the few. The soldier had belonged to the Jungle Tyrant's army and had used the lonely town as a resting place, despite having overstayed his unwelcomed welcome. One of the citizens of the lonely town had been planning on getting rid of the soldier ever since he first arrived. The Terrarian by the name of Freeman knew it would not be a simple task because the high-rank was near-immortal. Any who dared challenge the soldier would be effortlessly executed by his Excelsus. The closest any powerful traveler came to getting rid of the soldier was activating his God Slayer Cooldown before immediately getting killed. Freeman needed to work his way up to a power that surpasses any high-rank in the Tyrant's army.

Freeman made his personal Arctic Diving Gear and ventured out into the Abyss. He had heard rumors of a weapon capable of unbelievable power scaling from the Abyss, and he was determined to get it. He spent days in and out of the Abyss killing the sea creatures that live there and making potions to prevent him from dying underwater. He would then go into the dark Abyss filled with strange creatures affected by the underwater pressure and environmental conditions. This would go on for days, as obtaining the weapon proved to be a chore. After long days of killing countless Abyss creatures, Freeman had finally obtained the Halibut Cannon.

The Halibut Cannon was only a small part of Freeman's plan to get rid of the high-rank soldier; He smuggled many materials for future recipes under everyone's noses. Rarely, he would also go mining in the deep caverns for armor. Freeman would use the gold he smuggled or mined and use it to make armor that he would dye a light-cyan. His Halibut Cannon and Gold Armor would mark his real first step of gaining power.

Freeman had overheard the high-rank talking about Auric-Plated Dynamite. A man speaking to the high-rank from a radio had mentioned the dynamite being capable of demolishing any and every material in Terraria and being able to flatten an entire city in a single ignition. "And that's being smuggled across the high ranks under Lord Yharim's nose?" the high-rank whispered in awe, "That's insane!" The man in the radio offered the high-rank a few bundles of the dynamite in exchange for him keeping the whole thing a secret to Yharim- he obliged. Freeman waited until the high-rank received the Auric-Plated Dynamite to convince the soldier to strike a deal with him. He had to tell the soldier that he'd get in trouble if he got caught carrying the dynamite, and that he would let him stay in his house for as long as he wants in exchange for any number of dynamite bundles. This exchange went surprisingly well for Freeman until it was interrupted by a Goblin Army.

A rather small army of goblins arrived to the lonely town to take the dynamite for themselves. The foolish goblins went about carrying out this plan poorly, so Freeman showcased his power by decimating most of the army effortlessly, punishing the army for their half-assery. Two goblins quickly left the bloody scene Freeman had created in mere seconds, never to return. Normally, Freeman would chase after and kill the two to ensure that there would be no meddling from the goblins, but he had other matters to take care of. Eventually, he would be given the explosives and put them away to be used for his master plan.

Having given his old home to the man he swore to surpass and destroy, the young terrarian ventures off to the mountains to quickly build a small house for resting and storage. Despite the mountains giving off a soul-burning feeling in the air, Freeman quickly rested in his new storage house for the next day. When the sun came to mark a new day, Freeman ventured off in search of another cave to find treasures. His trek took him to an unusually open forest. In the distance, he would see a familiar goblin and a scout building an impressive house. It didn't take long for Freeman to recognize the blue skin, green shirt, very light-brown pants and black shoes to realize that he was looking at the goblin who invaded the town for his Auric-Plated Dynamite before running away with the bigger second goblin. Despite the goblin and his accomplice doing something completely harmless and clearly enjoying it, Freeman took no chances and reached for his Halibut Cannon and fired at the two without hesitation.


	3. Chapter 3: Freeman's Quarrels

**Chapter 3: Freeman's Quarrels**

The goblin and his scout accomplice heard the sound of the Halibut Cannon's boom and reacted by dodging the incoming bullets, though 25 bullets being fired at once was enough to easily put a hole in the fancy house the two were building. The scout immediately noticed an angry look on his friend's face. "Kelgor! Behind you!"

Kelgor recognized the Halibut Cannon's boom and instantly knew that it had been Freeman that had fired the shot. He turned around, pissed at the hole that had been put in his house and the fact that the man who decimated his army of fellow goblins had come back with the obvious intention of finishing the job. Even so, Kelgor still angrily asked, "What the hell do you want from me!?"

"To make sure you goblins don't become a nuisance."

The scout gave a look to the Terrarian that screamed confusion and fear. "W-We're just building a house! Don't kill us!" Freeman gave no care for the scout's attempt at begging for mercy and was determined to get rid of Kelgor.

Freeman wasted no time in continuing to fire his Halibut Cannon at Kelgor, who instinctively drew his Gold Sword to block the bullets. The goblin used what he learned from his swordsman training from when he was still in the Goblin Army to block a few shots. Kelgor had clear trouble being able to block 25 bullets per shot, as one shot alone fractured the sword. Eventually, the sword became too broken down to be of use, and Freeman used this chance to shoot Kelgor, who near-instantly fell flat onto the grassy ground like a rock. "KELGOR! NO!" The scout ran over to him, horrified at the sight of him flat on the ground bleeding. Freeman simply watched as the scout cried and Kelgor lay in a pool of blood. Any normal Terrarian would be horrified by the sight, but Freeman's priorities prevented him from doing anything but simply stare blankly at Kelgor slowly dying.

"That's why I'm here.. That's what…this is for.." Kelgor began to speak weakly and struggled to look straight at Freeman. "This happens everytime we do anything important.. We're killed in mere seconds..!" He slowly and painfully turned to face his scout accomplice, "..Name any of our kind that's actually powerful or competent.." The scout stood in silence and horror without saying a word. The silence that followed Kelgor's question was broken midway by him coughing up blood. "Exactly. We've become a damn joke..! We need someone..to take action..and change that.."

"..and that will be me!" Kelgor pulled out a healing potion which Freeman immediately snatched out of his trembling hand, Kelgor reacting to his now empty hand in shock. "Hey scout!" he barked, "Tell your goblin buddies this is a promise- a promise that I'll squash you like bugs if you stand between me and Yharim." Freeman then faced Kelgor who despite dying, could see the seriousness in his eyes through the glass of the Arctic Diving Gear. "'Kelgor', was it? You sound like a fucking idiot. Next time, think before you try to steal some dynamite." He walked away from the scene and continued his search for a nearby cave.

The scout fell on his knees to the ground and began to accept Kelgor's imminent death until he pulled out another healing potion. Kelgor downed the entire thing in one gulp and looked to his accomplice. "That fool didn't know I had another one," Kelgor boasted weakly, "now take me inside before he comes back!" The scout hesitated in order to process what just happened before slowly carrying him into the unfinished house. The time was perfect for the Nurse, Holly, to come over to the house and put a bandage on Kelgor's wound.

Meanwhile in a deep cave, Freeman uncovered 3 gold chests and found a pair of Hermes Boots and a Cloud in a Bottle, along with some coins. Any nearby skeleton would run for their undead life on sight, so his search for important treasure went uninterrupted; that was the case until a skeleton in an attire resembling dracula and a vengeful look on his face stood near him. The skeleton held a Sun Spirit Staff in one hand and a skull wearing a hat on the other. "Hey, it's that merchant..?" Freeman whispered under his breath. The skeleton pointed his Staff towards Freeman with determination and shouted, "So you're the one who killed Rattles Magoo!" Freeman knew that the skeleton wanted a fight, though it wouldn't last long. He didn't bother using the Halibut Cannon and instead pulled out a musket.

The skeleton summoned a solar spirit and made a run for it, much to Freeman's surprise. Should he continue searching for treasure? Should he run? Freeman had little time to think, as it had been made crystal clear that the skeleton wanted payback. He decided to chase after the skeleton, shooting bullets at him. The skeleton ducked and jumped over the bullets as the solar spirit fired yellow beams of energy at Freeman, slowly damaging him. They then stopped near a dead end and Freeman got more pissed. "I thought it was a fucking fight you wanted, bonehead!"

"Heh, it was," the skeleton grinned before stepping on a pressure plate that causes a boulder to fall and land right in front of Freeman. The Terrarian was unfortunate enough to stop in a narrow gap leading to the dead end cave, and was forced to run from the boulder as the skeleton used dynamite to blow a hole in the wall to a glowing mushroom field. The skeleton ran towards the field and Freeman eventually continued chasing after him. They made yet another stop at a pit that the skeleton grinned at. Freeman had enough of running after him and pulled out a Halibut Cannon. This did not, however, phase the skeleton, but instead made him signal Freeman to come closer. He obliged before getting hit from behind by two baby slimes, causing him to begin tripping into the pit. The skeleton grabbed him and threw him further into the pit, making him fall head first towards a sharp stone pillar. The skeleton let out a sigh of relief as the Terrarian began falling to his death.

Freeman knew that he was gonna die if he didn't act quick and right now, so he hurriedly grappled onto a wall of the pit. The skeleton noticed there was no sound of any impact and checked the pit, seeing Freeman cling onto the wall for dear life. "Oh, come on!" the skeleton whined. "Just die already!"

"How many dumbasses do I have to quarrel with today?"

"Hey, who're you callin' a dumbass!?"

"You, bonehead."

"Jim! It's Jim!"

"I don't care."

Their argument got interrupted by a smaller skeleton urgently babbling about an emergency having to do with crabs. "There's a giant fungal crab loose on another shroom field!"

"Bullshit."

Freeman thought the same thing but didn't bother making a sound to avoid yet another quarrel with a skeleton. Jim strolled towards and looked down the pit once the smaller skeleton left his sight. "Hey, diving man, Crabulon's back on the loose. We might need your help on this one."

"If I help, will you leave me alone?"

"Hmm.. you killed Rattles though. How about some gold on your way back to the surface?"

The two stared in silence for a small moment before it got interrupted by Freeman barking, "..and the name's Freeman! Understand?"

"So it's a deal, right?"

"Do you understand or not?"

"I mean, yeah.."

"There's your damn answer. Now help me up!"

"How?"

Freeman double jumped toward the edge of the pit and reached, making Jim react by grabbing both hands and pulling him to safety. "Now where's this crab?"

Jim and Freeman hurried over towards the nearest glowing mushroom field to be greeted by a giant crab covered in mushrooms swatting multiple skeletons to a wall where their bodies fell apart upon impact. "Hm.. there's something off about him," Jim began speculating. Freeman had no idea what Jim was on about, considering the fact that he'd never seen Crabulon until now. "He has one less glowing mushroom on him than the last time I saw him!" Freeman smacked him upside the head before pulling out the Halibut Cannon and firing at the giant crab. The cannon did a considerable amount of damage, and had Freeman not run out of ammo, he could have easily killed Crabulon. "Damn! I need more ammo!"

"No you don't, silly Freeman!" Jim ordered his two baby slimes to attack the crab as he grappled to the roof of the field. The slimes were nowhere near as powerful as the Halibut Cannon, yet they still did some damage to the crab along with the solar spirit. Jim's plan went about smoothly until the crab jumped up and hit him, causing him to lose his grip and fall flat. Before Crabulon could crush Jim with his claw, Freeman threw a boulder at the crab.

He began to think to himself, "How am I supposed to kill this crab without any bullets..?" Remembering he has dynamite, both Auric and regular, he considered throwing some regular dynamite at the crab before remembering that Jim was right next to him. Before he could think further, he got hit by a floating crab shroom and saw the swarm of other crab shrooms. He instinctively dove away from it and towards Crabulon, lifted Jim to his feet, and left the glowing mushroom field to go towards the spike pit. Crabulon followed the two as Freeman planned. The two managed to lead Crabulon to the spike pit unscathed. Freeman signaled the confused skeleton to jump with him and ordered, "The hooks!" He dove into the pit, with Jim following, before Crabulon could reach them. The foolish crab jumped into the pit with them and as planned, the two hooked and clinged onto a pit wall as Crabulon fell directly onto the spike.

The plan would have been flawless had Crabulon not survived having a spike go through his entire body. The two seemed to have no way of fully killing the crab until Jim pulled out exactly 17 bullets. "You know what," Jim began to admit, "I'm the silly one, ok?" Jim tossed Freeman the bullets to load into the Halibut Cannon. "Now make it quick! There are crab shrooms above us." Freeman desperately wanted to ask him why he didn't give him the bullets earlier, but the crab shrooms weren't far from knocking the two into the pit. He quickly fired at Crabulon until he stopped moving and the fungus on him stopped glowing. When the two were sure that Crabulon was dead, they hurriedly jumped to the other side of the pit and climbed back up.

Freeman hooks the treasure bag dropped from Crabulon's corpse and pulls it towards him. He and Jim open the treasure bag to uncover three important things: a Mushroom Plasma Root, a Fungicide, and a Fungal Clump. Freeman takes the Fungicide and the Mushroom Plasma Root as Jim takes the Fungal Clump and some glowing mushrooms. The two then go their separate ways, tired and without saying a word.

On his way back from underground treasure hunting, Freeman notices that there are more houses and a castle where he encountered Kelgor. Other than being a warning, these buildings were a crystal-clear implication that the goblin was still alive and coming for payback. He was too tired to fight Kelgor this time, and instead continued his trek back to his storage home.

"So that's the guy, huh?"

"Correct, sorcerer."

Kelgor signaled the goblin sorcerer back into the castle. "If you see him, don't bother reporting it to me. Just get out of his sight because it's me he wants. I'll know when he arrives, anyway." He pulled out a Katana and a Wulfrum Blade and watched Freeman walk into the distance.

"And I'll be ready for him."

"Do you honestly think two measly swords will stop a man with a damn Halibut Cannon?"

"No. But someone who knows how to use them might." Kelgor then turned to face a book titled, "History of the Jungle Tyrant, Yharim by Rogue Joseph."

"So you're using the Tyrant's swordsman skills?"

"There's no other choice. That man is too big of a threat to use any other measly means of swordsman training, and he's only getting stronger as we speak.."

"And your intentions are?"

"To make us powerful enough to keep people like him under control. He'll come back soon.."


	4. Chapter 4: Undead, Boneheaded Summoner

**Chapter 4: Undead, Boneheaded Summoner**

"Whaddya mean I can't go!?"

"I mean you can't go to the surface, Jim..!"

"Damn. Guess I'll grapple."

Jim began hooking and swinging across the open caves of the underground. In earlier days, Jim enjoyed doing this, but his undying curiosity to what lies on the surface and his bony buddies' refusal to let him see for himself have made swinging less fun. Wanting to have fun doing what is much less fun to him, the skeleton swung to a nearby cave he had not seen before. Once he arrived, Jim resumed swinging across the area until he grappled onto a falling boulder set to fall by a giant shelly stepping on a pressure plate.

"OH SHIII- '' Jim fell through the roof of an abandoned house and fell flat onto the floor. Luckily for him, the boulder fell outside of the house and couldn't run him over. The house Jim fell into was an unusual one— the normal abandoned underground houses were small with 1-3 rooms and nothing inside but a table and a chest. This house, however, was a wider house with 5 different chests. There was also a shadewood table with a book titled "History of the Jungle Tyrant, Yharim by Rogue Joseph" laying on top. Jim looked around and considered seeing what lies in the chests, and he decided to check the one closest to him— the second farthest to the right, which contained a Marrow. As he was about to uncover the bony bow, a voice shouted, "HEY!" Jim yelped and made a run for the leftmost gold chest containing a Slime Staff before grappling out of the house.

When out of reach for whoever was in that house, Jim stared wondrously at the staff he uncovered. He swatted a nearby giant shelly with the staff, barely phasing it. "What the hell kind of staff can't do its job?" Jim then swung the staff in the air, creating a baby slime. He yelped and kicked the gelatinous creation away from him. The baby slime came hopping right back towards him and began attacking the same giant shelly he whacked with the staff. Jim watched curiously as the slime absorbed the suffocating shelly. "Interesante.."

The skeleton called off his slime minion and was about to continue swinging from place to place again before realizing he could go to the surface in secret. "After all, I have means of self-defense, right?"

Jim surprisingly easily strolled through a path leading to the surface. "I.. ugh.. Stinky Bones, we're gonna have a talk after this," the mildly disappointed skeleton murmured under his breath. His disappointment was quickly turned into panic when a mana bolt hit him off-guard. He quickly turned to face a chubby, somewhat tan girl with an orange robe and short, brown hair with a rose on it. Before he could say anything, the girl bumped into and passed him in a hurry.

"Hey, fatass!" Jim summoned his slimy friend to grab the girl by her foot and trip her. The girl looked back at him with an offended look. Before she could say anything, Jim flinged a grappling hook at her and attempted to pull her. He absolutely could pull her after moving boulders underground, but he decided to insult the girl by pretending to struggle while very lightly pulling on the hook. The girl pulled Jim towards her in response, making him go flying.

"Ok, I give up!"

"Shut the hell up, you lanky sack of marrow."

"So this is why we don't come to the surface.."

"You know what, there's no time to deal with you! He's still coming!"

"Hmm.. must be nice. I'll head west, then."

"HE'S COMING FROM THAT DIRECTION!"

"Oh, what could be bigger and scarier than you that's in that direction?"

As Jim jokingly asked this question to the girl, a wulfrum drone rolled its way to his feet. Jim looked down before ordering his baby slime to destroy it, which it did with almost no effort. "Very scary," Jim muttered sarcastically. The girl tried to explain to him that the drone wasn't what she was talking about, but Jim didn't care enough to listen.

The skeleton headed west before the girl could say anything else. Still worrying about the adventurous skeleton, the girl chased after and followed him. The two dismantled and tore apart wulfrum slimes and drones and collected their shards on their trek. Their stroll led them to a nearby, fairly small desert. They then quickly stumbled upon a hole leading to a desert cavern. "Back where we started but not quite," Jim muttered comically.

"We?"

"Oh hush.. Uh.."

"Honey."

"Hon- wait.. That's your name!?"

"Mhm?"

"FFFHAHAHAAA!"

"Oh! In the sky!"

"The what?" Jim was immediately rammed and knocked into the hole by an antlion charger, much to Honey's amusement. She then pencil dove into the cave after Jim. She pulled out the Mana Rose and swiftly killed the antlion charger that rammed Jim.

"You know what? Fine, let's see if there's any treasure down here."

"You're devilish, woman!"

"Aww, stop it~"

The two traversed the desert cave to find a single Sandstorm in a Bottle and some gold coins. Jim and Honey then fought over who gets the bottle, with Honey winning the bottle after pointing out the fact that Jim already has a Cloud in a Bottle before jabbing him in his nose. The two also found an anvil which the two found unimportant until the cave began to shake immediately afterward.

"Hm. Earthquake?"

"The Desert Scourge!"

"The what?"

"We gotta get the hell out of here, bone man!"

Rather than immediately leave, Jim thought of a few recipes for stuff to make at the anvil right next to them. He proceeded to make full wulfrum armor along with the helmet for himself. Honey kept shouting for him to hurry up and run as he created a Sun Spirit Staff. When finished, he ran past the worried girl out of the house where the anvil laid.

"And the name's Jim!"

Honey urgently followed Jim back to the desert surface and the two of them were greeted with more intense shaking from the ground after barely making it back to the surface.

Desert Scourge rose from the sand. The scourge was massive in size and very clearly intended to make a meal out of the two, but this did not phase Jim. Instead, he summoned a solar spirit and a baby slime to attack the scourge. The solar spirit fired beams of sun energy at Desert Scourge while the baby slime attempted to pulverise it by attacking its body. Honey joined in by firing mana bolts at Desert Scourge. The combined might of Jim and Honey did quite some damage to the scourge until a dried seeker attacked Jim from behind. This gave Desert Scourge an opening to ram Jim with its mandible. It then went to ram Honey until she avoided it with a sandy jump in mid-air. The scourge flung Jim off its mandible before digging underground for a counterattack. While the scourge waited for an opening, Honey killed the dried seekers one-by-one. Jim's baby slime ran towards him as he picked himself up. "If one more mandible pokes a hole in my shirt, I swear to Xeroc-"

Honey knocked Jim out of the way with a mana bolt as Desert Scourge rose from where he stood before. She resumed firing mana bolts at the hungry scourge while Jim yet again lay on the ground. "I can't get up," Jim groaned as he attempted to stand up. The mana bolt had done quite some damage to Jim, though it was a miracle for saving him from Desert Scourge. He then came up with a plan to kill the scourge.

He took a swig of a healing potion as Desert Scourge dove straight towards Honey. He somehow whistled to grab the scourge's attention. The mortally wounded scourge turned away from Honey to head towards Jim in response to the whistle. Jim signaled his baby slime to go inside Desert Scourge's mouth. The gelatinous minion obliged, jumping down the scourge's mouth and tearing up its insides. This caused the Desert Scourge to die just before it could reach Jim. The victorious skeleton sighed in relief.

"..A dried up and gluttonous husk on a constant and voracious search for its next meal.."

A somewhat sad, yet ominous voice had come out of nowhere. Jim was unfamiliar, but threatened by this voice, but Honey had instantly shifted from relief to fear in response to the voice. She turned around to gaze upon a man in yellow armor and long, red hair poking out of the back of his head.

"RUN!" Honey picked up Jim and as far away from the man in yellow as her legs could take her.

When Jim finally had the energy to stand, he and Honey mutually decided to end the desert adventure. Honey asked Jim if she could come underground with him, and he agreed to let her go with him, as she explained to him that she doesn't have a home.

Jim had to explain to Tim and Stinky Bones why he went to the surface and why he bought a Terrarian underground before they agreed not to kill her. After arriving at Jim's rusty, crusty house, Jim asked for an explanation on the guy who gave Honey a panic, but she refused to give one. Jim decided not to pressure her into giving him an explanation due to being tired, and the two watched some television on his old and small television.

The two spent the next two days talking about goblin peons and maulers when Stinky Bones asked Jim to talk with him in private.

"Jim, if you see a man with arctic diving gear down here, report to us immediately. Don't even think about attacking him!"

"Why would I do that?"

"The man is unlike any Terrarian we've seen down here. He has a scarily powerful gun with him!"

"Ok?"

"It's a fish gun that fires 25 bullets in a single shot, and it only seems to get stronger for some reason!"

"Then take his gun."

"Jim, this isn't a fucking joke! He kills anything he sees on sight and extremely quickly! The guy's brutal!"

"You know, you still haven't told me why it's so necessary to kill Terrarians down here, Stinky Bones.."

"..Fine. Terrarians used to use these caves for shelter from Xeroc's disquieting gaze at the moon, just to die from natural causes or from the other creatures down here. Many other Terrarians came down here to run away from the war started by the Jungle Tyrant."

"So why do we have to kill Terrarians if they're just running away from war?"

"Because the Terrarians have started coming to the caverns for the jewels and ores that lie down here rather than asylum. Greedy bastards..!"

"Ok, but how come?"

"We don't have much evidence, but we've come to the conclusion that the Jungle Tyrant had lessened his control over Terraria. The need to run to the caverns for asylum had lessened with it."

"But still.. The Terrarians are just looking for treasure, aren't they?"

"Jim.. People like this diving gear man are why we kill Terrarians. They're so determined to get their damn gold."

"You know what? Fine. I'll report this man to you when I see him."

"Good! The man is merciless, Jim! He shot and killed Rattles Magoo, too."

"...Rattles?"

"..Yes?"

"Where the fuck is he!?"


	5. Chapter 5: Some More Goblin Business

**Chapter 5: Some More Goblin Business**

It was a bright morning in Kelgor's small kingdom. Goblins and Terrarians communicate among each other and go about their normal activities. Kelgor continues to expand the kingdom by building more houses.

"You know," begins Holly, "you've been building houses nonstop for quite a while, even after you've been bandaged up. Don't you think it's time for a break?"

"Heh, no."

"You're gonna make the wounds worse. Aren't you in pain right now?"

"Sort of, but I've got priorities."

"Priorities, huh? Well then good luck with the diving suit man," says the goblin sorcerer.

"Oh yeah..! Thanks for reminding me, Arknit," Kelgor says in realization, "I need a stronger sword!" He immediately stops building and begins to head west of the kingdom.

"So now he stops building," says jokingly.

"This won't end well," Arknit declares.

"Huh? How come?"

"Kelgor's heading west. That's where the desert is. There's a rampant scourge there."

"I'm sure he can handle it if he can build 9 houses after getting shot."

"Holly, this isn't construction. This is a giant scourge. Kelgor can't handle that with just a Wulfrum Blade and a Katana."

Kelgor arrives at a small desert with a giant pit leading to a cavern. He instantly spots a Cnidrion and prepares to go for the kill. He's stopped by a familiar hand on his shoulder and a deep voice asking for a deal. He turns around to face an old friend who's the last thing he would've asked to see.

"C'mon, Kelgor. You don't need that weak-ass Redtide Sword." Kelgor simply stood and stared in disappointment at his old friend, Grag. "Here, I've got what you need right here."

Grag shows an Enchanted Sword to Kelgor, whose expression shifts from disappointment to awe. "Grag," Kelgor whispers in amazement, "how the hell did you get this..?"

"Unimportant. But I can give you this awesome sword in exchange for your return."

"That's all?"

"Mhm."

Grag gives the Enchanted Sword to Kelgor before he can even say yes.

"Damn. You really haven't changed, you idiot."

"..!?"

Kelgor suplexes Grag into the desert pit before jumping in with him as he fell. Kelgor looks down on the pissed Grag who laid flat on his back. "You should've known I made myself clear when I said I'm done with you losers. Hell, most of the other goblins already moved into my kingdom. You look pathe-"

Grag swiftly and angrily pulls out a Starfury and slashed at Kelgor, cutting a hole in his shirt. "You think just 'cause you got a crown and a winter cape, you're some smart badass! Shut the hell up!" He begins thrusting and slashing his Starfury at Kelgor who avoids the sword.

"I kinda am, so you can shut the hell u-"

Stars come falling from the sky and land on Kelgor, cutting him. "GAH! WHAT KIND OF SWORD IS THAT!?"

"Also unimportant!"

Grag began swinging his Starfury in the air, causing more stars to fall from the sky and on Kelgor. The unfortunate goblin lay completely flat on the sandy ground.

"TIME OUT!"

Grag stops swinging his sword as Kelgor pulls out and takes a swig of a healing potion. He stands up and prepares to leave.

"You can take this sword back, too! I'm sure it's a damn dud!" As Kelgor admitted defeat, he swung the Enchanted Sword, causing a beam to shoot Grag. Kelgor stares in silence at the sword before smirking and looking at Grag.

Kelgor began swinging his sword at Grag, who got hit with too many beams to swing back. Grag eventually fell on his knees after taking too many beams and then flat on his face. He was out cold.

Kelgor simply stared at Grag with pity before taking his Starfury and going deep into the desert cave. Much to his surprise, most of the treasure was already taken. There were also little to no Cnidrions in the cave for him to kill. He did, however, manage to kill just enough Cnidrions to make full Victide armor for himself.

He continued going deeper in the desert cave to find two surprises: a dried up scourge corpse and a small, blue sea. Kelgor began cautiously staring at the corpse until he was sure there was no need for him to worry about it. When finished, he took a deep breath and dove into the Sunken Sea.

The sea shined a bright blue wherever the goblin went. Much to his continuous surprise, the creatures of the Sunken Sea were passive and didn't try to kill him on sight. "I should build something in this place, one day," Kelgor thought to himself.

He searched around the old sea to find nothing of importance to him besides a few gills and recall potions. He used the gills potions to allow him to breathe underwater as he took some prism shards and navystone. He chugged his recall potion and left in disappointment.

Kelgor instantaneously arrives back at his Kingdom, much to Arknit's surprise. He explained to the sorcerer how he found the dead scourge's body. He then began talking about his encounter with Grag until the two got interrupted by a goblin thief.

"Kelgor! Our ginger ale supply has drastically gone low!"

"What? How the fuck..?"

"A skeleton with a cape downed 3 kegs of ginger ale and left!"

"Wh- How does a skeleton even drink!?"

"I don't know!"

Kelgor shook his head and went about building again. The day went about smoothly and peacefully from there until nightfall hit.

The entire kingdom felt an evil presence watching from above. This presence struck panic to all of the kingdom's people— all except Kelgor, who stood outside his castle, waiting for the evil presence to reveal itself. He wielded his Starfury and Enchanted Sword, ready to vanquish this evil.

The Eye of Cthulhu has awoken. Once he ran away from the kingdom, Kelgor began swinging both of his swords and firing stars and beams at the eye. The eye showed little scratches as it inched closer and closer to the goblin. The eye began molding much smaller eyes to block the incoming projectiles. This did little to stop Kelgor, however, as he kept his distance from the eye and fired his projectiles much faster. The eye received even more scratches from the beams and stars as it attempted to dash into the goblin. It was in a pinch; Kelgor thought the fight would be a quick one.

The Eye of Cthulhu spun vigorously in the air and revealed a gaping mouth with razor-sharp teeth in place of its pupil. This caught Kelgor off-guard, and his shock made him unable to move as the monstrous eye inched much closer. Suddenly, the eye dashed even quicker and more aggressively towards Kelgor and inflicted a big cut on his stomach. The eye kept dashing, and Kelgor almost instantly became too weak to finish it off by his lonesome.

As he began running to the hospital where he hoped to find Holly, he continued firing his stars and beams at the dashing eye, though he did so slowly to avoid hurting himself any further. Though he barely made it with his life, he met up with Arknit and Holly, telling the nurse to put the stitches on quickly while Arknit convinced some goblin archers to shoot the eye.

"Are you crazy," a goblin archer among many in a bar exclaimed, "there's nothin' you can say or do to make us go outside with that.. THING!"

"How about a deal," Arknit began to offer, "3 kegs of ginger ale for your assistance."

Every single goblin archer in the bar danced in celebration, indicating that the deal was accepted. All of the goblins rushed outside and began shooting at the Eye of Cthulhu, doing a decent amount of damage.

"See, I told you to give building a rest," Holly said jokingly, despite the seriousness of the situation. "There.. You should be good to go."

"Thanks, Holly!" Kelgor ran out of the door to witness the sight of the eye dashing and inflicting smaller cuts on a fairly large group of goblin archers. The archers laid down in pain as Arknit ran towards Kelgor.

"C'mon! Stand up! That's not even a serious cut," Kelgor shouted at the group of archers. At least three archers complained and moaned about their wounds, but Kelgor didn't hear it. It wasn't until Arknit made a drinking gesture that the archers stood up and resumed firing their arrows at the monstrous eye.

"Arnkit! Archers! Together!"

All of the goblins began firing shadowflame balls and arrows and stars and enchanted beams at the eye, near-instantly wounding it severely. Arknit and the archers stopped to stare at Kelgor as a green aura began shrouding the swordsman. He leaped toward the eye to land the finishing blow, and he did, as he thrusted his Starfury and Enchanted Sword into the bottom of the eye. The eye let out an ear-piercing roar as it split into bloody parts upon Kelgor's forceful removal of both swords. The Eye of Cthulhu was defeated.

"What a rush.." the victorious goblin whispered to himself. He looked towards his archer buddies and announced a party tomorrow night, sparking celebration and excitement. He then looked towards Arknit with a look of disappointment. "So that's what it takes for us to be competent? Drinks?"

"Oh yeah. I kinda offered them ginger ale in exchange for their assistance."

"What the fuck.. Maybe what I'm doing really is a waste of my time."

"That's for yourself to figure out. I'm gonna find that 'caped skeleton' and hold him at spell-point to give us some more ginger ale."

Kelgor strolls back into his castle with a treasure bag in his hand. He unties it and uncovers a Teardrop Cleaver. "I could use this for discipline.. Nah, I'm not that cruel." He also uncovers some crimtane ore, victory shards, a Shield of Cthulhu, and a Counter Scarf. He puts on the scarf and puts the shield away in a wooden chest on a shelf. He sits on his throne and spots a light blue root on the side of the throne. He also discovers a note attached to the root.

"Well, here you go. I've no use for this so-called 'anger-boosting' plasma root. You can have it, but just know it won't stop me. Don't get any ideas, Kelgor."

The goblin already knew who the note came from without it saying so directly. "Anger-boosting..?" He consumed the plasma root and continued resting. He would have time to think about everything tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6: Dynamic Duo, Part 1

**Chapter 6: Dynamic Duo, Part 1**

Three days had passed since Jim and Honey first met. Since Jim's showdown with Freeman, Honey had been away from the underground, having promised a return from an errand. Besides his showdown with Freeman and Crabulon, the skeleton had spent most of his time at his rusty house. He would kill the day by somehow smoking and drinking ale and watching television. Honey had finally returned from her errand.

"Sorry I took so long."

"Eh, two days isn't that long. Where've you been, anyway?"

Honey reaches into the pocket of her light-purple skirt and puts a big rock on the table. The rock was charred black and glowed red streaks, and it emitted a hellish heat.

"In hell. I mined a bunch of this! Wanna know how?"

"With a pickaxe?"

"With a shark!"

Jim stares blankly at Honey as she pulls out more hellstone. A few seconds of staring become realization as he remembers a recipe for a staff requiring hellstone. He snatches some hellstone off the table and runs to his anvil. He begins molding the hellstone into a staff with his bare hands. Once he finished, he held an Imp Staff into his charred, bony hands.

The skeleton held the Imp Staff into the air with pride and he summoned a small, flying imp. "Ohh, how cute," Honey squeals at the imp as she stroked its chin. The imp fires a ball of fire near Honey's foot and backs away. "You know what, you're a shitty imp!" Jim chuckles as Honey throws her anger out on his minion.

"Oh! I almost forgot, but there's an enormous bee in the jungle."

Honey turned to face Jim. "Everyone knows there's a giant bee. It's called the Queen Bee, by the way. You've just been living under a rock this whole time."

"Actually, yes. But besides that, the Queen Bee has some wax that I can use to make some gear for my minions! I was hoping you could come with me."

"Jim, there's literally nothing else fun to do down here. Of course I'm going!"

The two begin their trek towards the nearest jungle. Their trail leads them to a nearby town full of goblins and terrarians. Though the two were supposed to pass the town, Jim strolls straight for the pub. "Hey," Honey says in response to Jim going to the bar, "where're you going?"

"To the pub! Their ginger ale is good as hell!"

"Ginger ale!?" Honey immediately follows Jim to the pub in excitement after hearing his words. The two open the door to the bar to be immediately greeted by a goblin sorcerer with a stern look on his face. Jim stops in confusion, wondering why the sorcerer was angry, but Honey wanted to have her ginger ale immediately. "Move the hell outta the way!"

"Yeah, sure. But first I need exactly three full kegs of ginger ale."

"What? I need three kegs of ginger ale! Step aside, green boy!"

The goblin sorcerer fires a spark of shadowflame in the face of Honey. He then proceeded to point at Jim as he said: "So you're the one drinking all of our ginger ale. Ironic how it isn't the chubby one who consumed THREE KEGS, but you're gonna make us three more."

Jim's confusion became anger in response to the sorcerer's demands. "But I don't know how to make ginger ale, and I don't wanna make it!"

"I wasn't asking." A goblin warrior, thief, and peon in the pub stood and turned to face the skeleton with angry looks following the sorcerer's statement. "You have until 7:30 tonight to make us some ginger ale. We have a party tonight."

Jim and Honey stood in the middle of the town, discussing the situation. The discussion involved Honey blaming Jim for the roadblock in their jungle trek, and Jim wondering how to make ale. As the two discussed how to make ginger ale before 7:30 PM, another goblin approached them. The goblin was dirtied, especially on his gold crown, and held a Seashine Sword.

"You two need some help making ginger ale?"

Jim was given a glimmer of hope at the blue goblin's offer, but was confused about how he knew about their situation. "How did you know we needed ginger ale?"

"Arknit told me about you. My question is how the fuck you're even able to drink."

"It's complicated as hell."

"Nevermind.. Follow me."

The goblin swordsman led the duo to his castle. Once inside, the swordsman began digging in his wooden chest for a ginger root. "Hey, Boney," the swordsman announced as he held out some fresh ginger and ginger root from the chest, "I found us a good start."

"But my name's Ji-"

"The name's Kelgor, by the way."

"Lemme finish!"

Kelgor walked out with his ingredients and Honey followed. Jim hesitated to follow the two as he stood in disappointment at his new nickname, but he eventually followed Kelgor and Honey outside.

Kelgor led the two to a smooth granite building with a sign saying "Alchemy LaB." Honey followed with excitement about the ginger ale they would make, but Jim only attempted to process the fact that somebody made ginger ale in an alchemy lab.

"Now," Kelgor began, "who has sugar?" Jim immediately took a bag of sugar out of his pocket. Honey commented that Jim had been living in the underground, and that the sugar could have gone bad, but the goblin and skeleton didn't listen. Instead, Kelgor proceeded to ask for CO2, which was followed by Honey attempting to be a realist and asking him why she and Jim would have CO2. Once again, Jim provided the necessary ingredients by pulling a CO2 tank out of seemingly nowhere. This was obviously met with complete shock from Honey and Kelgor, but the swordsman said nothing and grabbed the tank. He mixed the ingredients in a keg and hooked it up to the tank before carbonating the ginger ale.

"Wait a minute," Jim began realizing, "we didn't do shit!"

"Yeah we did.." Honey looked with visible thirst at the keg.

"I know," Kelgor explained to the skeleton, "but if I make this ginger ale without you present, the others will be displeased. Once something happens to us goblins, we demand revenge."

"Then bring a model skeleton! We could've killed the Queen Bee by now!"

"Hmm.. You're right."

The three walked out at just 9:47 AM with a fresh keg of carbonated ginger ale to the pub. "Hey, losers," Kelgor announced as he barged into the bar, "this skeleton made us more ale." The goblins in the bar celebrated before quickly surrounding the keg and filling their cups. The goblins all took a full sip in unity as Kelgor watched with a look of pity. "So, what do you all think?"

"It tastes like shit," the goblin sorcerer responded. The other goblins angrily threw their cups on the wooden floor and was ready to beat Jim to death. The skeleton and chubby mage ran out of the pub like animals hearing gunshots. "I told you that sugar was bad," Honey said to Jim as they fled. The two could briefly hear the sorcerer shout something about boar, but they didn't take long at all to flee the town.

Jim and Honey ran all the way to the jungle, and were obviously out of breath, as the distance between the goblin kingdom and the jungle was quite a long one. Honey passed out as soon as they arrived at the jungle, but Jim's determination to stay alive pushed him not to pass out yet. "No… can't.. pass out.. goblins.. on my ass.." Jim's pitiful determination was obviously not enough to keep him conscious for a long time, so he summoned an imp and a solar spirit to hopefully keep any goblin away from him. The one thing that was enough to finally make Jim pass out was his unsuccessful attempt to drag Honey to a jungle cavern. He managed to drag her about an inch towards the cavern before giving up and falling flat on the ground like a rock.

"Wake up, boney!" Jim instinctively woke up after hearing Honey call him Boney. He groaned for her to never call him that again before realizing they were at a beehive. He also saw a hornet that was smaller than a goblin peon. "You won't believe this," Honey began with excitement, "Manny, this friendly hornet, led me around this cavern and to this beehive!" Jim stared at the friendly hornet with displeasement. "I don't give two shits about a hornet," Jim said, slightly pissed off, "I just want my bee wax. I've already pissed off some goblins who're angry enough to start a war over a piece of cloth. I don't feel like hearing your sto-"

Honey woke up, laying on almost the exact same spot in which she first passed out. Her recollection on what had happened before she passed out was interrupted by a fireball zooming past the tip of her hair. She met gaze with the same imp that tried to burn her foot. "Get lost! Go back to hell where you belong, you nasty fucking imp!" The imp disappeared from thin air, and Honey dragged a still unconscious Jim towards the cavern entrance.

Honey couldn't make it very far into the underground jungle due to having worn out her legs. She completely gave up trying to find a beehive as she stopped at a living mahogany tree. "I'm going to die down here," she whispered to herself as she recognized the dangers of the underground jungle and her inability to do anything about it. As she accepted death, she spotted a small hornet at the corner of her eye as an indication of her impending doom. However, the hornet didn't immediately attack her, and instead signaled her to follow him— Honey reluctantly followed.

The friendly hornet led Honey to a dirty, vacant underground jungle house from which she found an anvil and an Anklet of the Wind. "That's great," Honey told the hornet, "but I'm looking for a beehive. You know, where the Queen Bee rests? The same Queen Bee whose materials my friend needs?" The hornet signaled Honey, once again, to follow him in another direction. The short trail to the nearest beehive was only interrupted by a few man eaters who were easy to deal with. On the trail, Honey asked why the friendly hornet was helping her— the hornet was unable to reply with a clear answer, but Honey knew he had good intentions. "You know what," Honey told the hornet, "I'll call you Manny!"

Jim, having sat through the entire story, took a bomb out of his pocket and chucked it at the beehive. The resulting explosion made a hole into the hive, but there were bees that came outside of the hole to attack the duo. Honey quickly killed the bees with balls of fire from a Flare Bolt. "You better thank Manny for giving you this opportunity," Honey urged Jim, but he ignored her as he approached a larva. Because the larva stuck out the most out of what little there was in the beehive, Jim knew that it was his ticket to getting summoner gear. He broke the larva and heard a distant roar.

The Queen Bee flew from above, ready to attack. The giant bee had a giant hive where a stinger would normally be found, and he had visible aggression in her eyes. Queen Bee charged at the duo as soon as she leveled up with them. Jim grappled onto the roof of the hive to get out of the bee's path, and Honey dove out of the way. Queen Bee then focused her attention on Jim alone, and began dashing towards him two more unsuccessful times. She then began firing poisonous stingers at the skeleton, who ran away from both the bee and her stingers. Honey attempted to draw Queen Bee's attention as she cast flare bolts at her, but the bee remained focused on Jim only. Honey's unsuccessful distraction resulted in Jim getting hit with two stingers. The poison rendered Jim weaker and less mobile, allowing Queen Bee to successfully charge into him two times before he grappled to the roof of the hive again. Honey finally jumped in to cast more flare bolts. Having finally grabbed Queen Bee's attention, she signaled Jim to rest and command his two imps. "Wait," Jim realized, "I actually don't have to do shit! I can just sit here while my minions do the work! I don't have to do all these acrobatics!"

"I doubt it." Honey near-endlessly cast flare bolts as smaller bees came out of Queen Bee's hive. The bees were killed by the bolts as soon as they came out, fortunately for the mage. The bee, once again, fired stingers at Honey, who avoided all of them by running. Though she was tired from the trek to the jungle and through its cave, she still had enough stamina to run from the stingers. Queen Bee then leveled herself with Honey and charged at her, landing a successful blow. The knockback had her stunned, allowing for the giant bee to charge at her two more times before Jim finally decided to step in. He pushed Honey into a honey pool before the bee could hit her again.

"Jim..!" Honey yelled at the skeleton who pushed her into the honey pool with a muffle. "What the f—" She completely sank into the pool.

"Don't worry, Honey," Jim yelled out, "I'll get you when I'm done here!" He then remembered what he realized earlier and stood dumbfounded. He quickly stopped thinking about his stupidity and grappled the spot Honey landed in. A green aura suddenly started glowing around Jim as he began pulling his friend out with ease. His solar spirit and two imps began glowing with the same aura as the damage they inflicted upon Queen Bee and her smaller bees dramatically increased. Normal-sized bees stung the skeleton, but he remained unfazed and he pulled Honey out of the honey pool.

Queen Bee, having been inflicted with mortal wounds inflicted by flare bolts and fireballs, dashed without hesitation and with greater speed at the duo, who somehow managed to jump over the bee. Honey has the same green aura glow around her after jumping over Queen Bee, and she accidently casts a sudden burst of flare bolts at the bee which finally finishes her off.

"...Honey," Jim whispers in awe, "what was that just now?" Once Honey recollects herself, she smacks Jim across his head. "What the fuck is wrong with you!? 'I'll get you when I'm done here~' I could've drowned in honey!" Jim opens his mouth to apologize before Honey dismisses him. "I just wanna go back home," the chubby mage says weakly as Jim claims his reward.

"Who said the caves were your home?"

"I did, dumbass..!"

The dynamic duo begins walking back to the underground caves without interruption. The two arrive back at Jim's dusty house, and Jim begins forging a full set of bee armor using the wax he got from Queen Bee. "Finally," Jim whispers to himself in excitement, "what I've worked all day for!" Honey gives him a look of disappointment after hearing his celebration. "I mean.. we!" The mage walks off, plops herself onto Jim's bed, and quickly goes to sleep. "Honey, I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry!" Jim hoped his friend would listen and give him his bed back, but Honey was already out cold. Jim exits his house with frustration and heads to the underground pub.

The skeleton greets Rattles Magoo, who had been reattached after his encounter with Freeman. "I'm working two jobs now," Rattles tells Jim, "I need money next time I get shot." He serves Jim some hennessey and continues cleaning one single wine glass. "Hey, Rattles," Jim began, "why do I still have her here?"

"Hmm.. I dunno, but that sounds like a you problem."


	7. Chapter 7: Dynamic Duo, Part 2

**Chapter 7: Dynamic Duo, Part 2**

"Hey, Arknit," Kelgor began in a passive-aggressive tone as he sat blankly in a seat in the bar, "why the fuck is everyone gone?"

"Those two need to go. That ginger ale made dirt seem like a five-star meal."

"Did I say they had to go?"

"I said they have to go, and that's gonna happen."

"..!? I've more authority!"

"Why? Because you killed some eyeball? Unlike you, Kelgor, I know what I'm doing."

"And what you're doing is sending those losers to kill a skeleton and his girlfriend instead of waiting on me to make some ginger ale for you all!"

"I'd rather taste raw bones than dissatisfaction, Kelgor."

"Bones? The fuck kind of ginger ale..?" Kelgor picked up a nearby glass containing the ginger ale he and Jim made. Upon further inspection, he saw undissolved particles resting at the bottom of the cup. The goblin "king" took a small sip with great hesitation and instantly gagged. "T-That's bone ash!"

"My point's been proven. Show some authority and maybe we'll listen." Arknit proceeded to leave the bar with the intention of following the angry goblins who were after the dynamic duo. Kelgor would sit in the bar alone, staring at his Teardrop Cleaver while contemplating discipline.

Jim would be awoken by the sound of finger snapping. The snapping cane from Stinky Bones, who was trying to get Jim off his seat. Jim mumbled gibberish before he fully regained consciousness. "Your girlfriend is waiting for you at the glowing mushroom fields," Stinky Bones told Jim with frustration from his previous attempts at getting him off his seat. Jim wanted to correct Stinky Bones by telling him that they were just unlikely friends, but his mind was still scattered, and he instead questioned to himself why Honey would be at the glowing mushroom fields. He limped out of the full bar with uncertainty.

Honey chopped down several giant glowing mushrooms to be gathered for many healing potions. As she was about to leave the fields after chopping down the last giant glowing mushroom, she saw Jim waiting at the field's exit. "I see you're up early," Honey joked, "but why?"

"Stinky Bones said you needed me for something."

"What? Why would he think that?"

"..." The silence went on as the two stood in place. Honey reluctantly gathered the rest of her glowing mushrooms as Jim stood and watched. The skeleton attempted to break the silence by asking Honey if she'd like to go see Lonely Town. Honey hesitated before agreeing to go.

The duo was on a lengthy and silent trail. The two eventually found a small house on a mountain for them to rest. The skeleton and mage tiptoed into the empty house filled with wooden chests and a single bed. "Hey, Honey," Jim began to ask, "you're still not mad about yesterday, are you?"

"Maybe, but maybe not." Honey checked a few chests for some food, but instead found some bullets and a piece of paper with a drawing on it. Jim grabbed the drawing, curious about the quality of the art. He instead gazed upon detailed plans on killing a lihzahrd named "Joseph". He then looked at Honey with a grin on his face as she continued checking the chests. "Hey, Hon! Fuck Lonely Town, we're preventing an assassination!"

"What're you talking about?" Honey snatched the paper back and looked at the drawing for herself. She scanned the paper as her expression shifted to worry and concern. "Oh no.."

"Yeah, I know. Who would want an author dead?"

Honey stared at Jim with a look that screamed secrets. "Nevermind..! Let's continue the trail!" She hurriedly exited the house as Jim stood with confusion. It wasn't until he heard her yelp that he followed her outside. He barged out of the door to see the same group of displeased goblins from the bar in the goblin town. "Ah shit.. I forgot!"

"Shut up!" Arknit appeared behind the goblins as he apologized to them for being late. Honey was obviously somewhat afraid of getting shot, as she was being held at harpoon-point by ten goblins, but Jim simply had a look of impatience. "Oh, come on," Jim complained, "if you wanted some ginger ale, you could've asked your stupid king for some 17 hours ago!"

"Or you could've kept your nasty bone powder away from our taste buds."

"Bone powder..? Oh! Heh.."

"Bone powder!?" Honey became increasingly pissed, as she was being held at harpoon-point because Jim didn't wanna listen when she said the sugar may be bad. "That's it!" She elbowed one of the goblins in the nose and backflipped away from the other nine. She began running from the crowd of angry goblins, with Jim following without hesitation. The skeleton summoned a solar spirit above his head to zap any goblins who might somehow catch up.

The duo could hear Arknit chewing out the crowd of goblins that didn't chase after them for letting the two get away. A few others tried to chase the duo, but they couldn't keep up due to both Jim and Honey having hermes boots. They ran away for a seemingly endless time that was actually 3 full minutes before seeing a nearby town. However, that exact town happened to be the Lonely Town the two were traveling to. "Hah.. hah…Jim..! We made it..!"

"I see that.." Honey gazed upon the stranded town with a nostalgic look, while Jim paid more attention to a newspaper that laid on the ground. Jim read the newspaper aloud: "Small village completely massacred by madman. Picture taken by lihzahrdian visitor before death. Wait. This looks like Freeman."

"Freeman!? Gimme that newspaper!" Honey read the headline with horrific disbelief. The man in the picture resembled a man in dyed victide armor and an arctic diving gear holding a Halibut Cannon behind his back. "N-No..! No, it can't be him..! Y-Yeah! It's just some guy with an arctic diving gear like his!"

"You know him?"

"She does." The duo was caught off-guard by an extremely familiar voice from a shop entrance in front of them. They looked up to see a man that looked exactly like the one in the picture. The man held a Halibut Cannon behind his arm in a similar manner to his picture. There was no doubt that the man was Freeman.

"Freeman," Honey weakly asked hoping for the right answer, "you didn't slaughter an entire village, did you..?"

"They let a damn lihzahrd in." Freeman's reply was completely honest and cold.

"...!?" She didn't get the right answer.

"Sorry, but I had to teach this world a lesson: diversity can rot in Hell with Rogue Joseph in the center." Freeman turned to face Jim, who remembered the drawing from the house in the mountains. "You're not safe, either. You used up your usefulness." Honey stood in continuous denial while Jim had zero doubts about what was going on. If Freeman was crazy enough to shoot Rattles out of indiscrimination, he would probably slaughter an entire village for letting a lihzahrd in.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I knew you were crazy, but this is beyond that.."

"He's not crazy," Honey argued in denial. This single argument sparked a look of ultimate confusion on Jim. Freeman continued to look in the direction of the duo. "Monsters… They can all die a horrific death, and they won't be remembered. They're all just stains on Terraria that I want out of my sight."

"You Terrarians are fucking crazy..! I'm out." Jim strolled away from Lonely Town entirely. Honey tried to chase after him, but Freeman stopped her, apologizing before saying that her friend had to go. Honey hesitated before finally catching up to Jim. "Jim, please! Freeman's not a bad guy!" The skeleton was in utter shock at Honey's attempt at reassurance.

"Not a bad guy..? The man shot my friends indiscriminately, including Rattles, who just wanted to sell some glowsticks! On top of that, he committed genocide on a whole village because they let one lihzahrd play poker! And you don't get pissed at that, but you get pissed when you fall in a honey pool?"

"That man is my friend! I've known him since we were kids! You don't know him like I do!"

"I know he's a freakin' psychopath, and that's all I need and want to know."

"Jim, please..! It was just a lack of judgement!"

"I can't believe you're still defending him, Honey! Freeman knew exactly what he was doing, and what he was doing was probably killing a dryad, too! I saw a dead one through the window!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" The duo's argument led them walking straight to the same crowd of angry goblins from earlier, this time with Kelgor having had an argument with Arknit before being interrupted. "Uhh.. Oh! There's a crazy killer with a fish cannon at that town," Jim told the goblins as he pointed to the direction he and Honey came from. This caught Kelgor's attention, as he instantly remembered Freeman and the danger he opposed to his fellow goblins. "It's him. It's the guy," the goblin "king" exclaimed, "come on, losers! It's time for payback!"

"No, Kelgor," announced Arknit in rebellion, "we're not going anywhere." The other goblins raised their harpoons and spears in unison at the not-so-dynamic duo. "I've had enough of your bullshit! You pissed me off for the last time, Arknit!" Kelgor raised a Teardrop Cleaver and a Seashine Sword in the air. Without hesitation, he pulled Arknit closer to him. "Here's your damn authority!"

Kelgor slashed Arknit with the Cleaver once before making a slow cut on his cheek. Arknit shouted in agony and began crying. The crowd of goblins and the duo inched back in horror. The goblin sorcerer tried to fight back by firing a shadowflame ball, but Kelgor raised Arknit's arm away from him, making the ball completely miss. "Alright! Ok! You win!"

"Do I?" Kelgor turned to face the crowd of goblins, who nodded in fear. "Alright. Now, let's go kill that blue bastard." The goblins reluctantly charged in unison towards Freeman, who was still standing outside of the empty shop. Honey ran towards the crowd while holding a dusty, unfamiliar book in one hand. Jim chased after Honey, hoping to stop her from getting herself killed, but quickly shifted his attention towards Freeman. Honey opened her book once she got close enough to the crowd, and she shouted eldritch incantations which caused every goblin except for Kelgor to become immobile. The goblin king turned away from Freeman and towards Jim, who was entirely focused on Freeman.

"Hey, Boney! Get your girl!"

"You're not putting a finger on my friend," Honey declared to Kelgor.

"That wasn't the fucking plan, you chubby asshole!"

"My other friend!"

"Oh." Kelgor immediately put his incorrect assumption aside and began swinging aquamarine sword beams at Honey, who ran from them as she retaliated by casting flare bolts. Both got hit by 3 of each other's projectiles at most. Meanwhile, Jim dodged Freeman's Halibut Cannon shots as his solar spirit and two imps fired at him in succession. It's been fun killing crabs," Jim shouted at Freeman, "but nowhere near fun enough to let this slide!"

"Why," Kelgor shouted in exhaustion and forced aggression, "why are you siding with him!?"

"You just don't know Freeman like I do," Honey exclaimed back.

"Good!" Kelgor swung an aquamarine sword beam towards Honey's shin. Honey hopped over the beam before getting stabbed in the abdomen shortly after her feet made contact with the ground. "Should've used that book," Kelgor says nonchalantly as he eyes the eldritch spellbook. "My God, is that THE spellbook..?"

"Ngh…! Correct!" Honey quickly opened the book back up and eyed a spell before Kelgor could react. The goblin king was quickly frozen in place. Honey turned the page and eyed another spell, this time chanting it out loud, as performing a special spell without chanting it cost her hectic amounts of mana. The chant caused Kelgor's expression to change from surprise to great anguish. A dark cloud floated above his head, and he began grunting in pain. Once finished, Honey fell back on the ground, clenching her wound as she slowly started fading out of consciousness.

It wasn't until the two saw Honey bleeding and lying on the ground that Freeman and Jim halted their little clash. "Oh no..!" Freeman quickly rushed toward the injured mage, unaware that her fading consciousness also weakened the spells she put on Kelgor. Jim stood in shock until he noticed Kelgor trying to break his way out of paralysis. He inched near the scene and saw Arknit preparing a fireball. He thought the fireball was for Freeman, so he played along until the fireball was shot and made contact with him, instead.

"Jim.. No..!" Honey attempted to muster the strength to stand, only to be stopped by Freeman, who laid her back down. "You alright?" Freeman asked with little concern, but enough to grab Honey's attention.

"Jim..! I gotta.. help him..!" The mage tried again to stand up but was again stopped by Freeman, who after laying her back down turned his attention towards Kelgor. "No more interruptions."

"Very well!" The goblin king had finally broken free of his paralysis. He held out his Seashine Sword and pointed it towards the terrarian. "You're finish-"

Freeman sucker punched Kelgor in his nose before he could finish. "None of that," he said coldly, "you couldn't beat me even if you hadn't been caught off-guard. You're exhausted from the trek over here and your little clash with Honey. You call yourself a king, yet I've seen a fat bastard do your job better from the sidelines than you could ever do in the lead." The speech combined with the sucker punch managed to anger Kelgor enough for him to forget the swordsman style guide he studied. He clenched his sword and began recklessly slashing at Freeman, only for him to dodge each swing. The only successful blow came when Freeman turned his attention to the goblin army that charged towards him and away from a knocked out Jim.

Honey exploited the goblins' focus on Freeman to limp towards Jim. "Hey..! Wake up!" The skeleton somehow regained consciousness and looked upon his friend's face. "We've gotta get outta here, Jim!"

"Oh, nooo. We wouldn't wanna leave your best friend behind," Jim mockingly responded. Honey simply looked at him, silenced and saddened. Her silent response made Jim regret talking back to her. He wanted to apologize, but he began to focus more on escaping the conflict. The duo limped away from the crowd until Jim saw Freeman pull out a stick of yellow dynamite.

"That's the.. Auric Dynamite!" Kelgor shouted with shock. "Correct," Freeman announced, "and you, Kelgor, thought you could haul this from me. If I can't get rid of you filthy goblin bastards, then this one stick of dynamite will do the job. This explosive has the blast radius of a metropolis; likely even higher. The mercy of Xeroc won't save you." He ignited the stick of dynamite before looking into a magic mirror and disappearing in a blue light.

"That idiot! He forgot we're still here," Jim shouted. He rummaged in his pockets for a way to escape the impending explosion. All the goblins panicked around the dynamite. Kelgor attempted to put out the ignition to no avail. Honey paid attention to the goblins' terror at their impending doom before Jim finally found a recall potion and a magic mirror. "Jim, how many recall potions do you have!?"

"Twelve!" Honey reached into Jim's back pocket and grabbed two handfuls of recall potions. She tossed the potions to the crowd of goblins. Jim looked upon his friend's actions with awe before clenching his magic mirror. "Hang on!"

In a flash of light, the duo was instantly teleported back to Jim's underground house. Both had an arm wrapped around one another. The duo sighed in relief before taking a seat on the bed. "I've too many questions," Jim said ecstatically, "I barely know where to begin. Oh! Any reason why Freeman hates 'monsters' so much?" Honey sat in silence before breaking down. Jim attempted to comfort her before deciding it was best to leave her alone.

"No.. Don't leave..!" Jim stopped at the door before turning to face Honey. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to know all of this."

"No, Honey. That encounter was bound to happen, anyway. And besides, it's me who decided for us to go to the Lonely Town. So stop beating yourself up, okay?"

"Jim.. I just wanna go to bed.." Honey laid down on Jim's bed before he spotted a wide red mark on her robe. "You're bleeding! Here, lemme help." He grabbed a roll of bandages and made her sit up before applying the bandages around the red mark on her stomach. "Thanks… friend."

"Friend?" Jim smiled and continued wrapping bandages. "You're welcome."


End file.
